the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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