I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
