Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
