I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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