He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
