I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
