You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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