Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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