We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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