Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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