I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
