Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
