So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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