you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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