so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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