I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
