I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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