He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
