We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
