i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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