I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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