i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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