Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
