I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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