I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
