I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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