my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
