The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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