You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
