do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
