I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
