I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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