fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
