and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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