i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
