god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
