Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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