This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
