I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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