so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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