In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize