she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
