Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
