i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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