I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i out mim tonsoeep
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