Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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