I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
