I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
