I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There r osticjed everywhere
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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