Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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