he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
