you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
