you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
