my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
only you would photoshop your dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
