he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
