Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
