I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
