..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
