just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
