Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
