when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
