somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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