he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
