butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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