u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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