The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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