i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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